I rather dislike the term ‘man’, I am male, and I identify as the masculine gender, but please don’t call me a man.
If you mean it as a compliment, that I am very successful in being a member of my gender, then one of two things is happening…
- You don’t understand what parts of my gender matter to me, and so what you are saying is either offensively sexist, or offensive in that you are telling me that I follow values that I don’t want to follow, and that I should care.
- You do understand what parts of my gender matter to me; that would be… what gender I feel like I belong to, and my ability to be a sensitive and worth knowing person. (yes, that is part of my gender.) If you are trying to communicate this message in this way then you could probably survive using the wording “the right kind of man”.
On the subject of the former though, I very much don’t like the idea of fitting ‘masculine’ ideas such as strength, bravery, emotional insensitivity or poor evaluation of risk and/or pain, almost as much as I don’t like the idea of any of these things being associated with the male race exclusively. (what a disgusting idea.)
These ideas are not my priority, they are not my goals, and they are not a part of what matters to me in terms of my gender.
- If I demonstrate physical strength and you call me manly, I shall be offended.
- If I demonstrate willpower in some way and you commend me on having “manned through it”, I shall be offended.
On the subject specified in the title above, don’t call me a man, as I don’t want people with strange ideas of masculinity to be confused about who I am and what matters to me.